Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
