What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
