the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
