That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think i have two assholes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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