Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
