So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
