"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
