Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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