this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
