I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
