I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
