It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
