you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
