How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
