You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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