Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
