did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im part way to drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
