Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
