I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
