everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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