Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
