Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
