Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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