Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
