I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
