hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
