My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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