I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
