I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
