whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
