His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
