If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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