your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
