you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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