i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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