Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
