he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
