Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
