Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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