Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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