I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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