i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
