No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
