He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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