I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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