I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
