Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
