Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
