I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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