unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
false alarm, still single
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