Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
